Yesterday, I bought a Prada backpack, which means I can't afford to spend money on food for the next two weeks.
If you are prescribed Oxycodone, that just means you're taking Percocet. Please don't tell people you're on "Oxy" because you're not. "Oxy" is short for "OxyContin" which has Oxycodone in it, as well as fairy dust, a touch of Jesus' blood, and a feeling that rivals birthday mornings as a child.
But before I go on, I really really want to encourage everyone to please do heroin. You won't regret it because you'll feel that much closer to Hitler.
- Make jokes about being a loser because you love pizza and your parents house jk
- Shrink your Instagram photos so they only post horizontally
- Consider starting a business called Harlow and Olive
- Have a wedding website
- Have a photo booth with props at your wedding
- Post selfies on Runyon
- Post photos of Los Angeles weather
- Listen to Taylor Swift
- Say "my ride or die"
- Take molly but never ecstasy
- Were a colorful Mexican skull with flowers in your hair for Halloween
then I hate you
If my cats could just fucking smile at me.
"Read more, watch more, be less me" - Anonymous